Autumn leaves

Thank heaven it's almost Thanksgiving break. When I heard last year that the fellow's program was crazy and busy, I thought, "you should see how busy my life is right now. I can handle just about whatever you throw at me." Yes, I was extremely busy at the time, and my schedule now it really not any worse than my schedule then, but there is a difference. I am tired this year in ways I was not tired last year.

When I look back at Austin a year ago, I am amazed that she thought she was so old and knew so much. The Austin of now knows that she does not know much, and she knows that she has a long way to go, but the Austin of now is exponentially more excited about life. I wouldn't go back. I don't want to be who I was.

Praise God -- he has brought me to a place where I have the community I never had before, to a place where I can embrace who I am, a place in my life where I allow myself to dream, instead of squelching dreams as impractical.

It's almost Thanksgiving, and I think I could fill up all the time with thankfulness. Yes, there are struggles. No, I'm not perfect -- yesterday I realized a huge chunk of selfishness I'd allowed to creep into the way I approached my classes, and this is but one small example. I'm horribly broken, but there is beauty in the way God works. The autumn leaves are finishing their transformation and dying, but the transformation is heartwrenchingly beautiful. Today I looked out over the mountains and saw the range of colors dotting the mountains and hoped I would never take the beauty for granted.

May we never take true beauty for granted.